Friday, September 15, 2006

I got schooled.

I learned a lot yesterday. Too much for one day really.

1. I learned that I should wear my hair straight and accessorize with simple diamond stud earrings if I'm going out in a knee-length skirt and tall boots because with my hair natural and wavy and silver hoop earrings, that get-up makes me look a little bit like a hooker.


"Hey there Big Boy. You lookin' for some entertainment? Well, you'd better hope I tell jokes because I ain't no hooker! Hookers don't wear corduroy!"

2. I learned that, small and insignificant though I may seem, I have the power to affect the weather for the entire city of London. Or at least the boroughs of Fulham, Chelsea, and Putney. It was supposed to rain all day yesterday. So I removed my massive sunglasses case (see exhibit A) from my bag and replaced it with an umbrella (see exhibit B). This singular action caused the sun to blaze away and blind me everytime I turned a corner and the rain to never fall.


exhibit A



exhibit B


3. I learned that people who run around commanding others to "Smile!" or "Cheer up!" are total buttwipes. I was on my way back from a meeting that I was supposed to have yesterday at the school where I'm going to be volunteering this year. I walked about 25 minutes there, only to find out that there was "a bit of a mix up" and the person I was supposed to meet with wasn't there. Awesome. But of course, I had to put on a happy face and tell them it was no trouble at all and I'd be delighted to come back another day. I was on my way back from the school, having dropped the "smiley happy volunteer face", and just seconds after I watched my bus whiz by before I got to the stop, a UPS guy says to me "Cheer up there, love!" OH! Well, if you say so! Thank you soooooo much sir! Had you not been here to so helpfully remind me to cheer up, I might have walked around all day being annoyed for totally legitimate reasons! I don't know what I would have done without you!!!! I'm just so thrilled that there are people like you in the world who are having awesome days where everything is all puppy dogs and rainbows and ice cream cones to remind the rest of us that we should be in great moods too! Oh, and did I mention that I hope you trip on that loose brick in the sidewalk and totally eat it in front of a whole double decker busload of people??

4. I learned that if you see something in a store that you need, BUY IT THEN. Don't wait. We found a bunch of black frames in a shop on Putney High Street but decided not to get them then, that I'd come back for them. I went by yesterday to buy out their entire stock and found that someone, or more likely, several different someones also needed black frames and had beat me to it.

5. I learned that everything in numbers 3 and 4 can be wiped out with a merino sweater vest from Gap, an icy cold Diet Coke, and watching a toddler totally not get the functionality of a straw. Sooooo cute - she had a straw in her juice bottle but once she got down to about the last third of the juice, she kept trying to drink through the straw but at the same time, was tipping the bottle back like she was drinking straight from it instead. Therefore, poor thing was trying her best to get some juice through that straw, all the while the juice was pouring down the front of her sweater.

6. I learned that Talladega Nights ranks in my list of Top 5 funniest movies list. "I'll come at you like a spider monkey! I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!"

4 comments:

Monique said...

Such a funny post!
I can totally identify with
2. I have done that too - SO annoying! now I just carry both at all times thus why I can't survive with a small hand bag
3. I SO agree, I hate when people say that - maybe I have a reason to be crabby darn it (eat it in front of a whole double decker - LOL you are hilarious!)
4. yup - been there - SO true - I must remember to keep this in mind while xmas present shopping - already lost out on one thing I thought my Mom would like!
6. SWEET!!!!!!!! Can't wait to see it!!!

andrea said...

Is that the new skirt? Now if only it would get cold enough to wear the tights too!

Heather said...

Mo - We will TOTALLY go see it again so when you and Murray want to go, let us know and we'll be there if we can! It was so freaking awesome!

Andrea - Why yes it is the new skirt :) So nice of you to notice! You may have gathered from my post that I went back for the sweater vest...

Beth said...

Oh my god, thank you! My mother used to tell me "Smile - They're free!" and then wonder why that made me even more irritated. Although the other day a homeless guy told me I looked sad, so I'm beginning to wonder if my "at peace" face is kind of scary. Oh and good for you for volunteering, that's awesome!!