Wednesday, May 02, 2007

What I've Learnt This Week

No, that's not a typo, nor a result of poor grammar education. That's how they say it in my country. Learn. Past tense - Learnt. Get used to it.

Also, it being only Wednesday morning and all, you may be thinking that it's a bit pre-mature for a wrap-up summary of what I've learnt. Let me assure you, I've no shortage of things to report.

On matters of personal injury:

1) Glass will cut you. Especially when it shatters in your hand. This is especially disconcerting when you're the only person at home and there's a pool of blood rapidly gathering in your palm and spilling through your fingers into your other palm.

You're lucky you got the bandaged shot instead of one of the open wound.

2) Rubbing alcohol is not less sting-y when you dillute it with water. In fact, it is likely to cause a stinging sensation so great that it renders you light-headed and subject to vomiting.

3) When removing a band-aid from a rather deep cut for a Neosporin application, it is a very bad idea to pull it straight across. Why? Because once you get one side off, laws of physics (or something smart like that) dictate that when it pulls on the other side, it will be on the OPPOSITE side of the cut and will, therefore, pull that cut right back open. Really wide.

4) The day after this type of injury, you will realize just how much one uses their right hand if one is, in fact, right-handed.

On matters of hygiene:

5) When you are a member of that subset of the population who washes their hair every other day instead of every day, your shower will break on the day that you are supposed to wash your hair. Therefore reducing you to sporting a wide headband and a ponytail all day.

What? You thought you would get photos of THIS? Not a chance.

6) It is harder than one might think to wash one's hair in the bathtub under a running tap. Using only one hand. You know, because the other one was nearly severed, remember?

On matters economic:

7) A grown woman will cry out with joy when she sees Lucky Charms while placing her online grocery order. She will think nothing of spending the equivalent of 12.00 US dollars on a breakfast cereal.

Come on. They're magically delicious!

8) She will also make a decision to cut dinner a bit short so she can get home to stalk and snipe a pair of Dries van Noten shoes on eBay at sample sale prices in a lame effort to compensate for ludicrously overpriced breafast food.

Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight. For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.


Beth said...

Did you get 'em? Did you get 'em?

Tola said...

Ooh what a nasty cut! be careful while it heals. and i love lucky charms too, they ARE magically delicious!