Sunday, August 03, 2008

Croatian Dalmatian Relaxation Vacation Sensation

Disclaimer: This post is going to be a whole lot of braggy, showy-offy "Oooh, look at me on the beautiful beach!" and "Ooooh, here I am in the crystal blue water!" and "Oooooh, this is me enjoying a cocktail in my sunlounger that was brought to me by a beach waiter!" and "Oooooh, check me out having a bellini for breakfast in my swimsuit!" so if you're in no mood to put up with that sort of thing, maybe you'd better give this one a pass. You've been warned.

So, Croatia. Where do I start? Oh yes! Where every good holiday starts, with a cocktail!

The weather could not have been more perfect so we spent the entire day on the beach. But there were no beach photos on day one because we were some pasty white mo-fo's. Let me at least get a base tan...

So instead, here's a reminder of how beautiful our hotel's private beach is. Our own little slice of the Dalmatian Coast.

Today's Quote of the Day is attributed to Jason:
"Hey, did you see me jump off that cliff?"

I was so engrossed in my book that I totally missed Jason climbing a cliff and jumping off it. Don't worry, there are plenty more cliff jumps to come.

Day two Quote of the Day is brought to you by me:
"This must be heaven. I think maybe we died on the way here and we just don't know it yet."

Oooooh, check me out having a bellini for breakfast in my swimsuit! (See, I told you so.)

This was basically my view for seven straight days.

Check out the difference between me and Bronzy McSungoddess in the water there. I'm practically incandescent!

Jason's idea of a hot stone massage.

After we tired ourselves of the sun and surf, we decided to take a walk. A walk which ended up more like a rock climb.

A rock climb in a dress and flip flops.

But the scenery was well worth it...

Later we headed into Dubrovnik's Old Town for dinner...and a lemon icee slushee thingie.

The main street in Old Town...

Aaaaand back to the beach first thing the next day.

Now, despite what you see here (i.e. me, well covered up), today was the day I ventured into topless sunbathing for the first time. I had to start slow and lay on my stomach. But I got a little braver as the day wore on and that brings me to today's Quote of the Day:

"This is liberating. I think I want to flip over."

Jason working on perfecting his cliff jumping form.

Ooooh, here I am in the crystal blue water!

Jason went for a massage that afternoon and was quite shocked when they gave him these to put on. This is highly unusual - at least in Europe... We figured that there must have been an "incident" at some point. Now we all have to pay by wearing paper underpants during massages.

We stayed in for dinner at the resort that evening...

And the next morning we decided to go into the Old Town to walk the old city walls. The views are stunning.

Then, in a shocking turn of events, it was back to the beach.

Oooooh, this is me enjoying a cocktail in my sunlounger that was brought to me by a beach waiter!

Jason was jealous his beer didn't come with a fancy umbrella so he borrowed mine.

I'm told that cocktails and the Adriatic Sea don't mix but I do like to live dangerously.

The only thing about the beach was that it was rocks, not sand (except in a few random spots) and hurt like hell to walk on.

By this point, Jason was getting a rather nice tan. I felt the need to comment and proceed to blurt out the first thing that comes into my head. So the Quote of the Day is:

"Oh my god! You're nipples are so dark!"

Back into Old Town for dinner that evening.

Somehow, we managed to wake up for sunrise on Thursday morning.

This is like, the most pimp sailboat I ever did see!

Friday, we decided to rack up another country for our tally and did a day trip to Montenegro. And because we knew there was a very good chance we wouldn't make it past the border on our own, we did the unthinkable --- a bus tour. And even though most of the people were beyond annoying (top of the list being a loud American couple from New York), we were glad we did it because we saw a lot of places we would have never seen otherwise. The first stop was Herceg Novi.

The color of this picture isn't great because it was taken from inside the bus but according to our guide, we were very lucky to see this boat. I forget why, but she kept saying "Very lucky. Very special." So now, you too can be very lucky and see very special boat.

Next stop was Perast, an adorable little village where we got a boat to a church built on a manmade island called Our Lady of the Rock. This was our favorite part of the tour.

This is what happens to me when you stick me on a tour bus with obnoxious people. I get a little punchy.

Lovely Perast with the mountains in the background...

This lady was a riot. She was head to toe in orange. From her hair to her toenails - orange orange orange. It makes you wonder what some people see when they look in the mirror, doesn't it? I truly cannot imagine waking up, putting that on and being all "Oh yeahhhhh. I look goooooood. Like a tangerine, baby." I also wonder if she changes her hair to match her outfits and if so, how often? That would certainly explain the straw-like texture and sparseness of it.

On the boat to the island...

The most interesting thing about this church was that sailors who survive some sort of peril at sea bring offerings of silver (usually something from on board their boat) as thanks. The church has all these on display and the first offering comes from sometime in the 1600's and the most recent is from about just a few months ago.

Some shots through the windows around the church.

The next stop was Kotor. It was really lovely but incredibly touristy.

And last was Budva. Even though this photo seems nice enough, we hated Budva. The Old Town was just one shabby bar after another and the beaches were crawling with Eurotrash. In fact, today's Quote of the Day captures Budva perfectly:

"This place is like Myrtle Beach. And not the nicer part."

Moving on to day 7. Let's jump right into things and start with the Quote of the Day:

"You gonna release the hounds again?"

He sure has a way with words that makes me feel super special. Jason thought we should document the awseomeness of toplessness since we're soon headed back to NC, where not only is topless sunbathing frowned upon, but could very well get you arrested. At first I said no way because "if we ever divorce, you'll make it into your Christmas card and send it to everyone I know". He promised me that, first off, we'd never divorce and anyway, they'd be tasteful shots. Very artsy...

What actually happened here was that the camera had somehow gotten switched on one of the weird settings where it picks out a certain color and makes the rest of the photo black and white. We didn't realize it until we loaded the pictures onto he computer.

Jason prepares to conquer the big rock.

No sailboats were harmed in the staging of this photo.

Oh my god - we laughed about this till our faces hurt. This girl spent about 45 minutes striking different seductive poses on the rocks while her friend took photos and art directed. It was so hilarious. She kept telling her exactly where to put her leg or how to bend her arm for maximum sexiness.

Ooooh, look at me on the beautiful beach! (Clearly, there was no one directing me for maximum sexiness.)

Jason's second cliff dive of the day...

Ooooh, here I am in the crystal blue water!

A glass of rose to cap of the day.

Getting ready to go out for our last dinner.

A real pirate ship!

Arrrrrggghhhh. Shiver me timbers!

Our last sunset...

Horror of horrors, our last morning on the beach. We eeked out every last second, let me tell you.

Ooooh, here we are in the crystal blue water again!

The final Quote of the Day:

"I ain't leavin'. You can't make me."

Goodbye my love...

And thus ends my favorite week ever. A week in which I threw caution to the wind and drank full-fat cappuccinos at breakfast. The first week of my life in which I never touched a proper bra, relying instead on bikini tops and my relative youth. A week in which I fell asleep listening to the sounds of the sea breaking on the rocks every night.

In closing, I'd like to thank everyone who made this trip possible... First and foremost, thank you to Jason for slaving away everyday to make the bones. Thank you to the tireless servers at the Bellevue resort who brought me copious amounts of beverage on the beach. Thank you to Jack Johnson, The Beautiful Girls and Jason Mraz for providing the soundtrack for the nightly chill on the balcony. Thank you to Soltan sunscreen and all your SPF's that protected me from burning. Thank you to the guy who set up our sun loungers and umbrella every morning. Thank you to Target, Monsoon, Antik Batik and Day Birger et Mikkelsen for providing the better part of my wardrobe. And finally, a big thank you to my waxer, without whom I could have never lived in a swimsuit for a week.


London said...

ok missy....I want the details of where you stayed whilst in croatia...because that will be our next vacay. send me a msg :)


geo said...

Wonderful place! Thanks for posting pictures and funny stories. I love all your outfits and the sea views.
However, you didn't mention anything about food. I've heard fresh fish is amazing in Croatia. Did you like their cuisine?

Melissa said...

Oh, so jealous here! I'm making myself drive to the beach this week and get some sun! I live in freakin' Florida and am not that tan!!

ruddersathome said...

Looks amazing. Croatia is now firmly on my to do list.

wanderlust said...

a very tired mum needs a break...pls could you share which fabulous hotel this is :D Thanks a lot !!

Heather said...

Of course! It's Hotel Bellevue. We really loved it :)