Thursday, December 04, 2008

Google Master

I think every house has one.  Ours is Jason.  They all have their techniques.  Jason's is generally to enter the most ridiculously long winded queries in the form of full (and often run-on) sentences.  And these are many times the result of typing out a problem I've explained to him, using my exact words (see the Sky box search below).  But sometimes he goes for the blunt and to-the-point colloquial approach.  Either way, he always gets his answer.  Here are a few of my all-time favorite of Jason's Googles...

Circumstances:  Typed a couple of years ago when we were having issues with our Sky box.

The sky box is giving me trouble and it works fine while I'm just watching tv or when I watch something that we have recorded in the past but when I program it in advance to record something when I'm not here it says it's going to record it but then it totally does NOT and also when I press record on a show and then try to change the channel to watch something else, it shows a blue screen and will stop recording and I am so freaking annoyed because I've missed like two episodes of America's Next Top Model and Ugly Betty and I'm going to freaking throw the damn box out the bloody window.

Result: Other people had had the same exact problem and wrote about it on some techie message board and someone had figured out a very simple solution involving some wire coming loose in the back and Jason had it fixed within minutes.
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Circumstances:  Watching tv with Monique and Murray when a shady commercial came on, advising seniors to look into a "reverse mortgage" as a solution to all their financial woes.

What the hell is a reverse mortgage?

Result:  Returned some interesting info but he found his answer.
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Circumstances:  Feeling uninspired in the kitchen.

We cook the same things all the damn time and we don't know what to have for dinner.  We might just get take away or walk down the street for Thai.

Result:  If I recall correctly, mentioning Thai returned some rather yummy sounding dishes so we did, in fact, decide to walk down the street to our favorite Thai place.

Now, if you don't have a Google Master in your house and are interested in Jason's Google Master services, please contact me for a fee schedule.  Special holiday rates available for a limited time.  Due to unorthodox search methods, results are not necessarily guaranteed to be child-friendly and may or may not contain swear words and/or inappropriate innuendo.

3 comments:

Alice said...

I won't mention the time I was at work and googled "sushi" (One of my clients was branching into serving sushi in their restaurants) and the site "sushi sluts" came up - and everyone at work thought I was into weird porn.

Suze - Cheshire, UK said...

I have Phil and, annoyingly, he seems to know everything. Though he's not as good as producing porn results like when I use Google.

andrea said...

Can he google for me 'why won't my son nap more than 20 minutes two times a day because I really, really need more than 40 minutes a day to get stuff done other than reading That's Not My Train and playing with blocks'? Cause I have tried and I get nothing! Maybe he will have some answers for me?