(There was, however, a $50 overweight baggage fee. I'm sure the veritable grocery store isle-full of snacks I smuggled in had nothing to do with that though. I mean, how much can family size boxes of Wheat Thins, Goldfish and Nature Valley granola bars really weigh???)
But back to the things there were none of...namely, sleep.
That's not entirely true since we both got a few minutes here and there, but not enough to actually matter. I even went through my patented Red-Eye Ritual. Immediately upon taking my seat I remove shoes and socks and put on extra-cosy, super-soft slipper socks. Then, I bobby pin my hair off my face and use an Olay wipe to remove all makeup. Then, I slather ungodly amounts of moisturizer onto face and hands. Then, I ChapStick the hell out of my lips. Finally, I take two Tylenol Simply Sleep and put on my eyeshade.
But alas, no real sleep. So we were not at our best upon arrival. But as seasoned transatlantic travelers, one would think we'd know better than to break the cardinal rule of eastbound transatlantic travel:
Do not, under any circumstances whatsoever, go to sleep when you reach your destination.
Cut to 2 pm. Jason is nudging me and saying something like "Come on, kid. You've got to rally. I need a serious effort from you right now. Let's go." In my dreamlike state, I feel like I'm starring in an epic sports movie where Jason plays the unorthodox yet inspirational mentor and I'm the rag-tag rookie pitcher who just needed someone to believe in me. I think I mumble in reply "Put me in, coach. I'm ready."
A few nudges later I instinctively say "Okay, I'm up. For real. I'm up." Then I stick one arm up in the air as a symbol of my resolve.
Then the arm falls back down.
A few more nudges and I go for the "Geez, I'm up. See? Look at me. Totally awake." only to be informed that lifting my eyebrows doesn't actually make my eyes appear open.
Jason eventually lures me out of bed with sweet, sweet caffeine. And we go about the rest of our day, pretending to be normal as opposed to the walking dead. Doing normal things that normal people do. Going to a cafe, stopping by the store for some essentials, playing a game of chess... (I know, right?? Apparently we're trying to act smart and refined now. I'm sure it's a phase.)
My world-traveling brethren know what happens next. The second wind. It's about 7:30, 8:00-ish. If we had obeyed the cardinal rule, we'd be about to pass out by now. But we feel great! According to our body clocks, it's only early afternoon! Party time! Excellent! There's an early Hurricanes game today! 5:00 puck drop! That's only 11:00 here! Wanna stay up and watch! Okay! Me too!
After a scoreless first period, the 'Canes finally start putting pucks in the net and send the Senators packing with 4 goals to 1. So we're up till 2 am.
Cut to noon today.
*faceplant into lunch*