Monday, March 22, 2010

From the desk of Jaser (like laser)

Well well well. Suze has come and gone and Brussels shall never be the same for it.

But what I presumed to be a purely social visit was apparently a sting operation. I found this letter under the guest bed:
Dear Friend of Jaser (like laser),

We are writing to you in the hope that you can help persuade Mr and Mrs Sanger to leave the country. You see, we've begun to run low on supplies of beer - the poor monks simply cannot keep up. One of them even took the The Lord's name in vain when he found them breaking into yet another trappist brewery. We believe they may be organising a beer-jihad of some sort and have regularly been meeting with internationals in and around the country. They were last spotted in Gent with an associate where large quantities of Kwak became collateral damage. Please help. The situation is getting desperate.

Yours faithfully,
Friter McMouleson
Ministry of Beer

Too bad, Monsieur McMouleson! Mission: FAILED. You shouldn't have chosen a secret agent with such a fervent taste for vodka tonics and Framboise. She was easily thwarted at the sound of ice cubes clinking into a glass.

In fact, we have some rather incriminating photos of your associate that shall soon be posted for public ridicule. I imagine you'll want to get her redundancy notice started asap.


Vegemite Wife said...

Handover meeting at work scheduled with Jack Bauer for 3pm. Clearing my desk now. [hangs head low]

Alice said...


shanna said...

you know i'm such a blog stalker of yours. anyway here's my burning question: how do you stay so skinny drinking all that beer? please... some pointers... will you?

Heather said...

Shanna - you just made my day. My week, my month, my year even... That's awfully kind of you to use the word skinny. I'm not by any means what I would call skinny. Here's the deal:

1. I don't consume like this in my real life. I've adopted a rather cavalier "when in Rome" attitude during this assignment abroad. I figure I will not likely ever again live in the midst of the world's greatest beers so I'm partaking while I have the opportunity.

2. I'm sure I've gained about 10 lbs. since we moved here. We have no scale but my jeans are definitely what some would call "snug". I prefer the term "fitted". I'll get right on losing the extra weight when I get back to Raleigh.

3. I most likely would have put on way more than 10 or so lbs. if I didn't have hypothyroidism. I discovered this back in 2003 when I passed out twice in one week and went to my dr to find out why. So I have to take medication every day to manage it and that medication makes my metabolism run rather high.

So there you have it. I'm not a skinny girl. I just play one on my blog.

Vegemite Wife said...

For the record, I stayed 2 nights and gained 2 pounds. If you were to gain weight the effortless way I do, by rights you should be well over 300 pounds by now. Lucky cow :)