Monday, March 01, 2010

Let's get parenthetical

Well, that's it. Another Olympics have come and gone. And I has a sad. (A big one.)

This may come as quite a surprise to you all but I'm a pretty big hockey fan. (Gasp!)

I know, I know. I'm sure you're all shocked. To the core. Since I've never ever ever written about hockey here before... (Go ahead and take a break to clean up all the sarcasm that's dripping onto your keyboard.)

Ahem. (Ahem.)

Anyway, let's just say this house was pretty pumped for the USA vs. Canada gold medal game last night. It was like playoff fever up in this pizzle! And the match up did not disappoint. It was hard-hitting, net-driving, end-to-end action. As hockey so often is. (Seriously people, welcome to my world.)

When Zach Parise scored to tie it up with less than 30 seconds left in the third period, Jason scooped me up and carried me around the living room while we chanted USA! USA! USA! (Sorry, neighbors.)

Yet, it was not meant to be. Crosby, all but invisible for most of the Olympics, finally decided to show up in overtime. (Awesome timing, jackhole.)

Below is my stream-of-consciousness Facebook updates. Watch me go from inspired to annoyed to bemused to exhilarated to disgusted in a three hour span. I suggest reading from the bottom up. (For maximum WTFitude.)

(Yes, seriously. A can of deoderant.)

I'm still trying to work through my disappointment. Mostly with the aid of cheese. (But also with lists.)

I give Post-Olympics Hockey Hangover Pros/Cons list:

  • All four of the Carolina Hurricanes players who went to the Olympics will bring medals back to Raleigh. (Pitkanen and Ruutu earned Bronze for Finland; Tim Gleason got Silver for USA; Our captain Eric Staal won Gold for Canada.)
  • Alex Ovechkin was basically rendered useless for Russia. That warmed my heart to see him fail on the world stage. He's nothing but a goon and a hack and I really wish he'd pack it up back to his "conree". (If you're not fluent in caveman, that's "country".)
  • Hockey can go back to being a niche sport, now that 80% of the people who watched last night will forget it exists. (I do so enjoy being part of a small and elite fan base.)
  • I can finally hate on Ryan Miller again. (I wasn't sure how much longer I could suppress my Buffa-slug rage.)
  • This Olympics brought us the unintentionally hilarious Canadian McDonald's commercial that was meant to inspire the country to get ready to bring home another hockey Gold... but both "roaring crowd" shots were of none other than an RBC Center full of towel-waving CANIACS. Umm, oops? Perhaps next time when they search for stock footage, they'll look for more than just a sea of red jerseys and take time to see which logo is on the front of them. To be fair, the maple leaf and the hurricane symbol look sooo much alike, right? Right?? Wrong. (Want to watch for yourself? Here you go.)
  • I'm sure we will all be subjected to an onslaught of supposedly inspirational commercials starring pretty boy Crosby. (And I will have to choke back the bile that will surely arise.)
  • I was forced to proclaim love for Parise. A New Jersey Devil. (That stings.)
  • I bit the fingernails on my left hand down to bloody stumps in the final fifteen minutes of the game. (And I'm sending Team USA the bill for my manicure.)


Alice said...

I love that I'm not the only one who likes to overuse the parentheses. (LOVE IT!)

Sara said...

I wanted the US to win just because I hate these commercials they have on Canadian TV that say "lets remind them whose game they are playing"

On the plus side, everyone in Calgary is so so happy.

For good TV commercials, check out
Tim Hortons commercial during the olympics that makes me cry every single time.

The Tune's said...

The Tune household was in shock at the outcome of the game. I do have to say the Canadians came out playing rough and playing to win. I don't think the US were there yesterday. Miller though was AWESOME despite the outcome....amazing goalie. Now back to the regularly 'tuned' program....NHL hockey!