Monday, June 21, 2010

Heather Takes On: The World Cup

Before I continue on with documenting the Epic Adventure, I need to get something off my chest. I warn you now. This will not be a popular opinion. And I'm 100% totally okay with that. I will probably get some nasty comments. And I'm okay with that too. That's why comment moderation exists. So, bring it on if you must. I'm a big girl and I can take it.

Here goes...

Professional soccer is the worst sport in the world.

There. I've said it. (Cue the angry mobs.) Now, I'll back it up.

First of all, so far in the World Cup, how many games have ended in a draw? SEVERAL. Even worse, a nil-nil draw. Holy what??? Listen up, FIFA. If I'm going to sit down and invest a couple of hours in watching a match, I would really very much like to have AN ACTUAL WINNER at the end of it. I'm sorry but any sport which simply calls it a day without deciding a proper victor is no sport to me. I mean, isn't that kind of the whole point of sport? Competition? Give me a clear winner or give me hockey*.

*(A sport, in which, during its playoffs, decides a tie in the most spine-tingling fashion possible: sudden death overtime. Not many things are more exciting than sitting on the edge of your seat during the extra period, just waiting with bated breath for one team to end it all for the other. Sudden death for one team; sudden life for the other. Now that's sport.)

Secondly, how sick and tired am I of watching all the dives taken by soccer players? Very. All this falling to the ground and flailing around holding one's shin with pained looks on their faces (while surreptitiously looking out of the corner of one eye to make sure the ref is watching) is getting rather tiresome. And by rather tiresome, what I actually mean is REALLY FREAKING OLD. Listen up, soccer players. MAN UP. You look like a toddler lamenting his first fall off a tricycle. Perhaps all your mommies should hang out on the sidelines, ready to dole out kisses and bandages? Would that make you feel better? Seriously, just MAN UP. Give me toughness or give me hockey players.*

*(Athletes who, by the way, can take a frozen piece of vulcanized rubber traveling at 87 mph to the face, spit out a few teeth, go to the locker room to get their nose sewn back on and come back out and score a goal. Shorthanded. Now that's a man.)

And finally, France. France, I do love your delicious cheeses and velvety wines but get over yourself. For starters, you shouldn't even be participating in the World Cup. (It should be Ireland instead. Google it.) You didn't deserve your spot. And now, you're squandering this unfairly gifted opportunity away because one of your players threw a strop and refuses to apologize and the team is refusing to practice because of it. Really?? Really, France??? Wow. This is supposed to be world class football. Not a cheerleading competition where a girl pitches a fit when she's not allowed to wear her hair down. Listen up France, untwist your knickers and play like men.*

*(No I don't have a hockey related counter point here. You know why? Because nothing even remotely similar to this would EVER HAPPEN IN THE NHL. Primarily because the teams that make it into the playoffs are decided by actual numbers instead of a "governing body".)

And don't even get me started on the blown call against the USA, which resulted in yet another draw when it should have been a solid win. At this point, I'm thinking FIFA is about as corrupt as the Bangladesh government.

All this said however, I will be watching on Wednesday morning when the US takes on Algeria. Because I want to see some redemption after that joke of a match versus Slovenia. Because I'm an American. And there's nothing us Americans like more than a good comeback story.

(As a side note, I've got an England jersey for sale if anyone wants it. No? Not a single taker? Think about it...it'll make for an excellent fire starter on those blustery July days that are bound to come. Ahhh, the British summer. What, still no?)

10 comments:

Beth said...

France. Don't even get me started. Now I've got Ireland AND the USA with really bad calls against them. Do you think I need to stop cheering for teams now or they'll be cursed?

Vegemite Wife said...

OXO are putting out a commemorative cube, white with a red flag for the World Cup. They are going to call it 'Laughing Stock'. Or at least, they should.
I'm with you on soccer - but you're forgetting cricket for being worse on final scorelines. They can play for 5 DAYS and still noone wins. For reals.

andrea said...

I can't agree with you since we are a football house (see, it isn't even soccer, it's football) but just so you know once they hit the last 16 they can't end in a draw, they do go into extra time for 2 15 minute periods and then it is 5 penalty kicks each team, then if there still is no score then they go to sudden death penalties. So it isn't quite as boring as you think ;)

And England sucks. And US should have won that game.

peachesandcurry said...

A) Actually, the games won't be decided with a tie in the knockout stages. There it does go into extra time which is a golden goal rule, and then penalties if that doesn't decide it. This ending in a draw is just for points sake now, and yes, the world did get off to a slow start because teams were too cautious.

Dos) I too am sick of this play acting during this Cup. It has been excessive and as much as I love this sport and play it, I am getting really tired by the B.S. on the field...

3) Speaking of B.S. on the field, the refs too. That call on the U.S... lord what the hell.

Anyhoo, as in all sports, some matches are definitely more interesting than others, today's Spain - Honduras game was better. Check back in next weekend, it (should) get better!

ps- Beth has her views on the WC too, maybe you at least agree on her #5 point?

pps- You serious about the England jersey? I have one and actually might take another...

Alice said...

I'm a (college) football girl. Can't claim to be a soccer fan - at least until my son starts playing it....and you failed to mention the most annoying part of all - those f*** horns that sound like they're named after a woman's girly parts. (Which I guess is apropos for the whiny soccer players.) :)

Heather said...

Shaloot - I do have an England jersey but it's a kids size one :) As are most of my sports jerseys/tees. I find that I hate "women's fit" items but the kid's ones are just a shrunken version of the regular men's stuff.

Heather said...

Oh - and I wish I could agree with Beth's point #5 but.... the diving just kills it for me! Real men don't dive! Real men get their faces sewn back together and keep on playing!

andrea said...

Heather - you are so right about the diving, and there is no doubt they are the biggest bunch of faking drama queens ever. If you need an example look up the red card from today's Brazil - Ivory Coast game. We watched it like 4 times just to laugh at the ridiculousness!

Oh, and my favorite part of hockey? The fighting. I love it!

peachesandcurry said...

USA! USA! USA!

anyhoo... hope you watched it... or at least catch the highlights?!

Oh, the only thing I would somewhat disagree here is saying that there is a lack of athleticism... it's hard as heck controlling a ball on your feet and sprinting, and turning, and jumping, and sliding, and divi-..er... ;)

Currently top of my pecking order for mad respect are hockey players and rugby players... both sets of players do insane things...

Heather said...

I assume the last comment was from Shaloot? Anyway, you'll be very proud to know that not only did I watch but jason took off work and we went to Carolina Ale to watch with our fellow patriots. And I was way into it. And jumped off my bar stool when we scored in the 91st minute!

And just to clarify, I didn't mean to insinuate that I thought there was a lack of athleticism amongst footballers...just that there seems to be a serious lack of "toughness". (USA team excluded though since I didn't see any silly playacting on their parts.).

Anyway, fantastic game today and as long as the USA is in it, I'll be watching :)